Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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