The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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