community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
