Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
