I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
