Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
