I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Christians are straight up FREAKS
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will be naked everywhere
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
