today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
