Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
