sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
