Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
