I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
