We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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