She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
