I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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