eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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