apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
