dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
