My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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