so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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