WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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