so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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