I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
