Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
