you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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