I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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