Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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