The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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