they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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