your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
