oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
