first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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