maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
