I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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