Can i not drive my cunt home
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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