thus making me awesome and them whores
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
