I skipped work to stalk him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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