ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
