I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
