She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
