just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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