so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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