I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
