We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
