No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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