"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
