That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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