she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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