Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
