I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
